The Real Light

Been thinking a lot about suffering...and how God uses it.. and redemption.

This year, more than ever, I've been struck by what Jesus' birth must have been like. So shatteringly humble. And hard. And bleak. And yet, there were amazing wonders in the sky, and Angels, real and blinding, and Shepherds, salt-of-the-earth people, making their way to visit a baby that was just born to a teenager in a barn.

It blows me away.

A baby born to live with God on Earth, show us the way, and die for everything that might separate us from God.

I'm on a journey discovering what I believe about all this...how I really see God...how I relate to Him.

Some of this stuff I'm thinking about I really need to get - I guess we all need to get it for ourselves at some point! - But this is the stuff I want to write about - cause there is so much suffering, so much...and people don't sometimes know how to reconcile that with a loving God -

I mean, he didn't spare His own Son, but His plans - well, I just know they're wonderful and sometimes we have to hang on through the dark, believing in the light all the time, believing when we don't see.

Praying that you find the light if you're going through a hard time - praying you'll know Emmanuel - God is with you, just a whisper away.

Hungry

My baby wants milk.

She doesn't understand, but if I give her milk, chances are, she'll vomit it up.
Tummy bug.

But the crying, nonetheless.

She's over a year old, so we're thinking we'll bite the bullet and stop the bottles now, since we're going through the pain of weaning anyhow.

We need her to fill up on meat instead of milk.

And as I was holding her - while she threw her head back crying, like, just give me a bottle already...pleading...

God was speaking...
Isn't this so like you sometimes...crying for what you don't have when what I want to give you is better. Bigger. Fuller.
And sometimes I have to take the milk away so you'll get hungry enough to want the meat.
I take the milk away - all the familiar connections that used to feed you - the relationships...I need you hungry for the meat.

And I do throw my head back wailing. Questioning. Hurting. Uncomfortable. Why do I feel so bereft?

But maybe He's been there holding me, offering me all that He is, and at once sympathising with my heartache but also knowing this must happen - and that I'll get through it - and have peace again.
And all the while He holds me, loving me through the thrashing and clashing of wills.

Cause I want milk, but He has something better.